#Friendships #Sowing #Involvement #OldSchool #Vulnerable
Reading Time: 4 minutes
I’ve always been fond of growing amongst friends, and be unbothered with what we do together. We may end up doing something – play board games when bored, sing or listen to songs, read comic books, play outdoor games, chat, go for walks, watch TV etc. – or simply do nothing.
The choices of “doing” something together is endless, but simply “being” together is priceless.
There is a purposeless transaction which manifests, when friends come together regularly, want to be with each other aimlessly, and create a sort of merging, where words are meaningless, actions futile, and an existential alignment occurs where the hidden divinity of being human finds expression, unbeknownst to its recipients.
Usually, I ain’t shy of expressing my fears, confusions and vulnerability to selective friends, not because I trust them, or they are my best friends, or I am loyal to them etc., but just because, I feel they’re my friend and I want to share. It never bugs me that they can’t solve my problems, or guide me in any particular direction. I am usually overjoyed and overwhelmed that they are simply available to listen and pay attention. To me, attention is intrinsically more valuable, than any sordid ideas we exchange, in the name of helping.
I never really care for answers from my friends, instead, feel very comfortable that we can reach out unplanned, make ourselves available, and be willing to listen – that’s enough involvement!
Lately, friendships seem to have taken a strange turn, “we feel connected with each other, only to the extent we need each other“. Its a rigged affair, where we think our affairs should be towards gaining something, for ourselves, from others, else it is useless partaking it. Well, times are changing fast, and over the years, I’ve met many, who come near, but are unable to come close.
Something is different, people are frightened and burnt, unreasonably busy and stressed, and expressing vulnerability is considered an embarrassing sign of weakness. Hardly anyone listens, most want to talk, and everyone takes selfies. Distances seem shortening, friendships seem broadening, and social media allows friends to be made in frenzy. We seem to only talk about our problems with work, people, spouses, children, bosses, employees, employers, staff, shopping etc., and turn our involved friendships into uninvolved acquaintances.
We only consider coming together, if there is something to do, somewhere to go, or something to buy. Beholding, genuinely asking “how are you?”, engaging in silence without interference of words or action, is considered useless and waste of time, while only hanging out, catching up and binging is considered exciting and useful.
I must be old school, who values vulnerability over confidence, silence over boisterous, listening over talking, feeling over discussing, beholding over binging, and although considered old fashioned and naive, I don’t mind, as the values I seek in friendships, allow me to offer myself, connect purposelessly, involve intelligently, indulge consciously, speak diligently, advice hesitatingly, avoid frivolousness, encourage intimacy and thus experience friendships based on real lessons from life versus pseudo ideologies.
Arguably, I feel friendships need sowing, involvement and tender caring which goes beyond the “addictive need” to be hanging out, catching up, doing things or binging somewhere. It is an inclusion of energies over ideas, effervescence over effort and patience over preponderance.
Although times have changed, and we live in an era of assumed advancements, relentless activities, impatient communications, narcissist attitudes, prejudiced opinions, it doesn’t seem wise to destroy certain core values so sporadically and drastically. Nature offers few free tips and immediate methods to retrace ourselves when lost, and involved friendships is one of the easiest method to bring back our sanity and balance.
I like to think that, involved friendships, stemming from vulnerability and not usefulness, assists in dealing with the animal within, brings forth our humanity, provides emotional stability, protects from ignorance, keeps us grounded to identify and indulge with real opportunities of growth, in a world of rampantly diminishing intimate values, where there is an inherent confusion between well being and ill being.
I don’t hesitate or feel ashamed of being vulnerable, seek vulnerability, exhibit involvement, avoid the uninvolved, distance from the toxic and thus invariably have fewer friends, even on Facebook, no Twitter account, and seldom responded WhatsApp messages, yet I remain reasonably confident that the next time we pick that phone impromptu, to seek for advice, rant or pleasantries, it will be enthusiastically answered, and the voice on the other end will be tender, attentive and knowing the purpose of calling, without having to text first or subjecting to an uninvolved or hurried response much later. And, of course, it would be blasphemous to write anything about actually meeting in person, impromptu 🙂