Wanting to be at ease

Note-to-self-ease

Reading Time: 7 minutes

‟It’s not easy to differentiate between wanting to be at ease and being lazy, just like it is very hard to differentiate between wanting to be busy and being restless.”
It’s my observation that, most of us are conditioned to start our adult lives, with varying ideas of working hard, making a secured living, and finding expressions in fulfilling those ideas, by vaguely calling them our “dreams”. We also invest a tremendous amount of energy and spend a colossal amount of time, in fulfilling the plethora of unquestioned and usually conditioned dreams which we have about life in general and our individual life in particular. It is also not unusual for most of us to insist on keeping an active working schedule, as long as possible, and simultaneously find it difficult to not have any free time for hobbies, holidaying or creative works we might want to indulge in. Life feels fast, exciting, meaningful, purposeful, hectic, stressful and usually cumbersome with the way we’ve chosen to structure it, and many a times we find ourselves in a rut and frustratingly label it as a “rat race”. Many a times, we feel helpless and just don’t know how to get out of the routine, which we created, and seems to be working like quicksand, sucking us away into some oblivion, while all the possibility of finding expression to our pending dreams remain unfulfilled and distant. Amongst all this cacophony, in the meantime, we keep on aging, the body and mind begins to show a dwindling capacity, what seems to be a natural consequence of being born.

We pretend to hide the truth about our individual death, somewhere deep into an unaddressed space of our psyche, skirting the subject incessantly, and instead remain focused on wanting to solve the umpteen challenges we face in wanting to fulfill our dreams, assuming they can be resolved some day in the future, and we can possibly live a happy life sometime then.
Amongst the mayhem of all these fluctuations, it becomes almost impossible to see that our being born is perhaps the primary reason for our imminent death.

I like to be at ease as much as possible. I create devices and make use of them, to enhance that experience within me. I usually succeed many times, but also fail many times, when challenged by conflicting situations and troubling people. But, that doesn’t deter me from my intent to maintain a conducive and eased atmosphere within me, where I am not succumbing to the prevailing ideas of remaining challenged constantly to vagaries. To that effect, I am fine by doing things which align with my intent and brings me that experience of being at ease and not doing things which do not align. Which means it may involve taking up tasks, which I’ve better understanding of, feels natural, and in which I can maneuver the direction easily.

I don’t find “wanting to work hard and fulfilling my dreams at any cost” as an ideal definition of a challenging life, instead, I find dealing softly and wisely with situations and people detrimental to my “wanting to be at ease and playfully fulfilling my dreams only when favorable opportunities arise” as a workable definition of a challenging life.
It may sound like an unorthodox, pompous or cocky description of a challenging life, but that is fine, since I’m not writing to convince. I’m simply writing to find an expression for improving my writing skills and sharing some ideas on how I conduct my life. Obviously, it’s unadvisable to consider this note as an advise for appropriate living, unless of course, someone wants to experiment with this kind of stuff, then, this note might have some value.

I like to think that one of the fundamental and foundational device for “wanting to be at ease” is to find creative ways of enhancing our relationships – platonic, carnal, cryptic, or otherwise. The reason is quite simple, for it seems that, all of us living species, are interconnected, interdependent and probably cannot coexist, unless we realize this natural fact.
The first device I apply, is to manage my affairs of the world, namely the need – “for accumulating money, comforts, conveniences, ideas”, for survival to a calibrated degree of “Optimal-isM™”, an active balance between biting minimalism and unscrupulous hedonism. This device gives me the leeway of freeing myself from the burden of accumulating things, ideas, concepts or philosophies and instead, opens up an unique doorway to continual learning, enhancing perception, enabling capabilities of the body and mind, and probably the most significant thing, to remain unidentified with the “preprogrammed and conditioned” need for accumulating so as to feel safe and secured of my survival.
The second device I apply, is to allow and accept a healthy dose of randomness and uncertainty, in my planning for most survival related matters. This enables and usually enforces me to have a very long term vision for my life (usually until my death), and help plan my life in a manner where I expect randomnesses to occur occasionally, not freak out about it, identify alternate approaches to fix something, only if required, focus on staying balanced and at ease since I’m expecting and have accepted occasional randomness as part of life, and above all, bring myself to living presently in a deep state of availability to life, as much as possible, since I have a very long term vision already visualized in my mind’s eye and have kept my focus on “wanting to be at ease” over “wanting to give expression to all my dreams at any cost”. This kind of experimenting releases me from the burden of wanting to attempt at “actualizing reality” and instead slides me into a realm where I am looking forward to experiencing “existing realities” which does not need excessive effort, nor extensive resources and planning.

This kind of stuff and experiments are not very popular and I tend to occasionally get blamed or lectured for being lazy, unambitious, inconsiderate, dependent or simply antilife. I don’t mind the labeling, as I understand how the game of mainstream living works, where unquestioned individual dreams reign and realms beyond one’s own self remain unexplored. I don’t get bothered by most of the labels, except when it comes sharply from someone close, and that’s when I find myself using my third and most powerful device over such happenings – the few powerful “techniques of meditation” which I’ve learnt over the years from Masters, which bring me closer to myself using breath, sound, postures and attention. These are creative devices, subtly calibrated to bring one towards balance and ease, and whose relevance cannot be fathomed easily unless experimented with right intention and regularity.

I am a big proponent of meditation in one’s life, for the simple reason that, it offers the possibility of coming to a state of conscious non-doing, a profound ease, an undoing from compulsive movements due to repressed fears or excessive self-importance, and thus reconnects me to “existing realities” over any desperate and erroneous attempts at “actualizing realities”.
Contrary to popular belief, this crucial device is a killer of any attempt at wanting to remain ignorant. Meditation kills false ideas, acts as a catalyst to reveal the potential of the state of conscious non-doing, thus exhibiting existing realities, and obviously I consider that a big deal as it is an action aligned to my initial statement: “It’s not easy to differentiate between wanting to be at ease and being lazy, just like it is very hard to differentiate between wanting to be busy and being restless.”

I’m in transit, embracing some randomness, ready to cross few oceans, have been reading Isaacson’s biography Einstein: His Life and Universe, keeping up with the yoga practices, writing whenever possible, walking daily for an hour, eating various fruits, drinking plenty of buttermilk and finally before bidding adieu, I must clarify that “wanting to be at ease” is an inner experience, which happens within, and should not be confused with any particular action of shying away from responsibilities for one’s survival. It is simply a technique to be in contact with existing realities, lest I forget that, by wanting to take lofty flights, I might miss out on life itself in hope of creating my own realities, whose possibility I’m not too certain about!

Until next time, Ciao!

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